I have a Vulnerable Share Alert!!!
You may know what a spectacularly transformational experience spending two weeks in Iceland was for me.
The depth of connection to the land, beauty I witnessed and internal quietude I felt was profound beyond words. (For those desiring to travel there be on the look out for my article of Why the World Needs to be More Like Iceland and How to not be a Crappy Tourist)
We drove the famous Ring Road in a camper van for 10 days (I cried when it was time to say goodbye to her)
stopping at every geological wonder
relaxing in ALL the hot springs
before heading to the city for 3 days to interview amazing guests on the Ecstatic Existence Podcast. (more about all that later)
What you do not know is that my first week back in the US was a very challenging re-entry. As soon as I got back I began feeling mild anxiety in the morning and sometimes in the night. This was a stark contrast to my usual, peaceful 8 hours and my 11 hours of deeeep rest in Iceland.
The anxiety I was having felt so out of my norm that I was like Daniel we gotta get outta here and decided to take the kids out for the long weekend on a boat adventure (you may have followed that exciting saga on Facebook ) which totally eradicated the icky sensations I had been feeling in my body. (I love, love, love my family time!)
Upon returning back to shore so did my palpitations…and so did a huge painful cold sore…
In my many years of deep therapeutic work I have learned to connect with the messages of my inner child through the wisdom of my body. I learned that I need to develop a greater support structure for myself when transitioning between nature and active city and work life. I am integrating everything that I learned about myself and the world from Iceland.
My confession is that I found myself shrinking away in shame of the festering blister that erupted on my lip. It stirred up old stories and beliefs. I didn’t even make a Wisdom Wednesday last week for fear of being seen this way.
So, I am outing myself!
When I was little I got so sick and my whole mouth blistered painfully, scabbed black and my lips fell off. I had a super high fever and was terrified. They said it was called “Hoof in Mouth Disease” or “Trench Mouth”. What an awful, embarrassing thing for a child to be told.
Ever since then when stressed or if my immune system was compromised, I would get a cold sore. In these times I would beg, cry, scream and pout in order to not have to go to school. The mortification associated with the herpes stigma was too much!
In really severe cases a herpes rash would break out all over my arms, legs and chest. It was excruciating, debilitating even.
For nearly 20 years I thought that it made me unlovable, that people thought I was dirty, or a slut, that a man wouldn’t want to kiss or touch me, let alone marry me. It interfered with my work and relationships. At its worst it stirred up thoughts of suicide.
(Well not only did this amazing man make out with me behind this gorgeous Icelandic waterfall,
but he married me and loves me!!!)
The thing I want you to know is that this condition has saved my life and been my super sensitive barometer for optimal health.
It keeps me on track with not only my food choices but more importantly my thought choices.
I have not had any sign of rash in 4 years and the last time I had a tragic experience with it was 6 years ago after a ski accident. I have not had a cold sore in over a year because I have respected the most subtle of messages from my body.
I am so sensitive now that I can not even entertain for a moment negativity within me…you see what happens if I do.
- What is your inner child trying to communicate to you through your chronic illness or pain?
- How can you allow your body’s wisdom and needs to guide you to your bliss?
- What sensations have you been suppressing? Are the messages getting louder?
- What do you know you need to shift but have been putting off?
- Don’t deny your needs any longer. Reach out for support.
I’m done hiding(It doesn’t feel good) and am excited to connect with you tomorrow (on video, cold sore and all) for Wisdom Wednesday!
All My Love,